I was in the bathroom. Ian walked out and into the living room. I shut and locked the door in the hopes that he would go away. Within seconds I heard Bill’s voice in the living room. I still did not want Bill to get into trouble because of Ian. I hate fighting and I will be the first to get in between two people no matter who they are or how big they are. I went into the living room, where they were doing that chest butting thing that all males of our species seem to do right before things come to blows (what’s that all about anyway?), and got right in the middle of them. I was facing Bill with Ian right at my back. I was trying to tell Bill to just let Ian go, he’s not worth getting in trouble for, etc. But Ian kept on mouthing and wasn’t really looking to go as his back was to the front door and he could have just walked out. We were steadily moving back towards the door and when we got there, with Ian right outside the door, Bill quickly moved around me and was outside. From what I can remember it wasn’t much of a fight. They pushed each other a couple of times, Bill hit Ian and Ian went down. He got back up and then took off toward the street. I thought, “finally! He’s leaving.” I went outside and over to Bill who was looking up the street to see where Ian had gone. He had gone to his car where he was getting something out of the trunk. It turned out to be a tire iron and this time, I didn’t have to say anything because Bill said, “GET INSIDE!” which we did. Seconds later we heard him hitting the door with the tool, calling Bill names and shit. This lasted about half a minute and then silence. Bill looked out the window to see if he could see Ian. “Dawn, the cops are here.”

After all that had happened, I didn’t want anybody getting in trouble. I didn’t want the police involved, I just wanted him to leave! But, this had been going on for some time and my neighbors in the new apartment had called the police. (yeah, way to make an impression huh? Not that it mattered much in that place but still...) They arrested Ian. They also found some pills on him that he had hidden in a bubble gum container. After Bill and I told them what had happened they decided not to do anything to Bill because he had just been defending me.

We had to go down and make a written statement and that was the first time I had a chance to think about Nick. I asked the officer if Ian was going to be kept in jail and he said yes, for at least 24 hours. I told the officer that Ian’s girlfriend had our son and could he tell Ian to tell her to bring him to my apartment. The officer went back to where ever they had Ian to tell him. When he came back out he told me that Ian had been on the phone with “the girl” and told her NOT to bring Nick to me. The officer had told Ian that he couldn’t do that and that she had no right to keep Nick from me. I was freaking out at that point because Ian had just recently moved and I had no clue as to where they were living. They supposedly didn’t have a phone yet either. The officer told me he would call me if they got any information on where Nick was. All I could do was go home and hope that I could catch her when she came to pick up their car which was still parked outside the apartment building.

I asked Bill to please come back to the apartment with me and he said that he was already planning on it. He didn’t want to leave me alone. Considering the total shit he had been, and would be again, I was grateful to have him there. He loved Nick. They had always gotten along before and he was concerned about him. We went back to the apartment and I made some phone calls. I called my mom, my Sybil, my work. Because I didn’t want to keep the phone tied up I just gave everyone a quick run down on what had happened. Then I just sat and waited. Bill and I kept getting up to check and see if the car was still there. We talked about maybe letting the air out of one of the tires so they couldn’t just jump in it and go but we decided against it. At some point somebody came and got the car because I went out around 9:00 p.m. and it was gone. I didn’t want to leave in case the officer called (which he NEVER did) but I couldn’t just sit there anymore. I felt like there had to be SOMETHING I could do. Bill and I decided to go down to the jail to see if they could get Ian to tell us where Nick was. We couldn’t get inside. All we could do was talk to a guard through an intercom. I asked if Ian was there, explained the situation and asked if they could tell Ian I wanted his address so I could go get Nick. They gave me an address but it was his old one. They asked him for his new address and he told them that he had just moved and couldn’t remember it. The guards were being kind of assholes and I started getting a little mouthy, at which point Bill said, “Okay Dawn, time to go.” Yeah, that was a good idea. We went back to the apartment and needless to say...sleep was not my friend that night.

About 8:30 a.m. there came a knock at the door. Bill got up to look out and see who it was. With a look of surprise he turned to me and said, “it’s Ian!” Huh? WTF?!? Obviously I HAD to talk to him. He knew he had me in a corner...again. Bill didn’t want me going outside by myself but I didn’t want the testosterone-pumping contest happening again. I also didn’t want to do anything to agitate Ian because I needed to get Nick back. I wasn’t afraid. He had stunned me the day before but now that I knew what could happen, I wasn’t going to take it again. Anyway, he didn’t need to physically hurt me, he already had what meant the most to me and I had no illusions that he wouldn’t use it against me. And he did. He wanted me to drop the charges. I showed him my arms and the finger marks there, which had turned into lovely large purple-black bruises. He said that I had hit him and that if I hadn’t freaked out it never would have happened. I reminded him how many times I had asked him to leave. He said, “how could I just leave when you were saying so many mean and hateful things?” Okay well, yeah, it was ALL my fault. I told him that I couldn’t drop the charges because I hadn’t filed any charges. In Missouri if the police are called in on a domestic assault the STATE presses charges, not the abused. He said that was bullshit. He told me that if I didn’t drop the charges I would “never see Nick again.” Okay.....conversation over! As a parting gift as he was walking away he said in the most smug, fuck you, voice he could “oh, and ‘the girl’ and I are BUYING A HOUSE together.” That hurt, but not as much as he had hoped it would because my mind was already working on how I was going to go about getting Nick back.

Because Ian and I had never married and because I had trusted that Ian would never be so hateful as to try to use Nick to hurt me, we never had a legal custody agreement. Ian left. Nick stayed with me. I took care of him 95% of the time. Ian paid for daycare every other week and that was his only monetary contribution. Luckily since I was the primary caretaker of Nick I was considered the primary custodial parent. Unluckily, in the situation I was in, I had to go have a judge state this and the fact that Ian was to return Nick to me. To do this I also had to get a restraining order against Ian for the assault. Luckily I had Bill who, after hearing what Ian said, sprung into action and started making phone calls to find out what exactly we had to do to get Nick back. Unluckily it required going to the courthouse and dealing with bitches behind the counter that looked at me like I was the stupidest person on earth for not having legal custody. Well, anything legal usually requires a lawyer which pretty much always requires money of which I had none. So, just do your fucking job and keep your snotty ass comments to yourself. Ahem. We were able to get the court order but the whole process took an entire day.

The next morning I got a call from Ian. He’s not happy because he’s been told to come to the sheriff’s office to get a court order and he’s not going down there and I’m never going to see Nick again and if he had a gun he’d be in prison for murder. Well.....I called the police to see if I could find out what I need to do now. They said they had presented him with the court order and that they would send somebody over to talk to me about the threat. The officer that showed up was really pretty cool. He asked if I had managed to tape the threat and I said no. He said there really wasn’t anything he could do about it but that he would go down to where Ian worked and “have a little chat” with him and then get back to me. I asked him if he really would get back to me because I had heard that before. He said he would and....he did. He called later and told me that he had spoken to Ian and that Ian had started to get mouthy with him. I don’t know what the officer said to Ian but he told me that Ian had agreed to return Nick to me and that arrangements were being made and I would be contacted by the sheriff’s department when it was time to pick Nick up. Later that night we finally got the call. An officer came over and we followed him to where Nick was. I don’t even know who the people were where he was. They were friends of “the girl’s” mother or something and, ironically, they lived about two blocks from Nick’s daycare.

Nick was okay. I think he was confused about what was going on, but he was okay. He was happy to see Bill. And Bill and I, well...we were more than happy to see him.