SIGHTS: Solipsist ~~ Henry Rollins
SOUNDS: Hybrid Theory~~Linkin Park

I'm in no hurry I could wait forever
I'm in no rush cuz I like being solo
There are no worries and certainly no pressure
In the meantime
I'll live like there's no tomorrow
~21 Things I Want In A Lover - Alanis Morissette

I guess I should add part II of my last entry, which was a week ago...

After receiving the most uplifting compliment from Scott the Beautiful, and wondering if anybody else heard it so they could back me up later, the band went up for sound check. This was the point where I could see that they had Pat’s vocals down. Personally, even for EgoBoy, that is just stupid and I believe makes the entire band look bad. Poor Pat, she was trying through the whole show to even things out. But there is no negotiating with EgoBoy because he is...EgoBoy....Dipshit Extreme.

After sound check they all came back down. I hung with Pat a bit and let her mingle. I didn’t want to puppy dog her. I was feeling really good and not just beer good, but socially able to walk amongst the other humans. Going back up to the bar to get a drink I noticed Scott playing one of those touch screen games. I walked over to watch and either I asked if he needed some help or he invited me to help him. He was playing a find the difference between two pictures game. After we finished that game we played music trivia and I whupped him...heh. I told him I’d give him another chance later to reclaim the title.

The night progressed. I mingled, I listened to the band, yelled and screamed for them, met people and had a damn fine time. I was actually able to walk around on my own without worrying about what people thought about me. Ahhh...beer, courage in a bottle. You are my friend and I love you in moderate quantities. There was mild flirting between Scott and I throughout the night, across the room but I honestly didn’t take it seriously. Even after the compliment, there was no way I believed he would be interested in me. The fact that I was able to be so nonchalant about it, blew my mind! For once I miscalculated my sexy, charming prowess or, more realistically, my belief in the fact that I have none of those things.

The show ended, there were the congratulatory “great show” compliments given to the band, the “you guys ROCK!” comments, etc. I told Pat that I thought she was really kick ass....when I could hear her. I REALLY want to be able to hear her next time! After the crowd had cleared out I went up to the loft area for some reason that I don’t remember. Pat was down in the alley with some girl who was waiting around for EgoBoy. Yes EgoBoy, only ONE girl...heh. Scott was up there tearing down his drums. I really wish that I could remember how it happened, if it was him or I that started it, but suddenly we were kissing and I was administering little bites to his neck and licking the sweat off of him. Damn, there is something about a man with a sweaty neck that makes me crazy, like a deer at a salt lick baby! Yummy! He told me he wanted to sit by me on the way home and, still being totally calm and pretty much detached in a way that I NEVER am, I said okay.

Finally, they got the trailer loaded up and everyone went up to get in the truck. I was thinking Scott was right in the little group somewhere but no, I’m the first one at the door and I get (again...grrr) to sit behind EgoBoy with Pat sitting next to me and B. next to her. Scott comes up to get in the truck and looks at me like WTF and says, “I wanted to sit by you.” Everyone else is in their own thing, EgoBoy talking to his fan, Pat and B. talking to each other. I just shrugged my shoulders like, “sorry” or “too bad baby, you missed out.” All the way home everybody is talking and having fun. Scott kept trying to get drinks off of my Boones Farm and I kept faux snubbing him, finally giving in with a fake sigh and handing over my bottle. All the way home two things keep coming to mind...and it’s not what I would have expected. 1) Hash browns, and 2) sausage. Okay, maybe the sausage should be in the picture but really, I was just hungry. I suggested Denny’s but nobody would take me up on it.

When we got to Pat’s house I asked who was going to take me home. Scott had offered earlier in the evening to do this but I wanted to pretend to forget that because I wanted to give him a chance to pass and leave things at harmless flirting. He didn’t and seemed a bit miffed that when Pat asked EgoBoy if he would take me home, and he said okay, I agreed. Scott spoke up then, saying “I thought I was taking you home.” I feigned recall and said okay.

At this point, after all my feigning, fauxing and testing, I was still waiting for the pigs blood or the big group laugh at my expense. I kept hearing the mom from Adam Sandler’s “They’re All Gonna Laugh At You” skit. But none of it came. Who knows, maybe he won a bet that night. I found myself thinking “what the HELL does this guy want from me? He‘s a BEAUTIFUL BABY and he‘s funny and really cool” but then I realized that I didn’t care. I was having fun, something that I vaguely remember doing with a man at some point in my life. He made me feel good just by wanting to be with me. The fact that he really had wanted to sit by me on the way home and that he spoke up when EgoBoy offered to give me a ride home proved that. Then, he took it one step further and took me to Denny’s AND bought me sausage and hash browns!

After Denny’s, in his truck, we kissed some more and it was very sweet. I was well aware of where this was heading but again, I didn’t care. There was no fear of being hurt or used. Earlier we had both expressed the fact that neither of us was looking for a “boy/girlfriend.” I realized that would just be a ridiculous idea and that it was okay with me. He asked if we could go to my house and “make mad, passionate....” and he let it trail off. That was a big NO. Nick sleeps in my bed and there was no way I was going to move him out of my bed just so I could get a happy. THAT would bring on the guilt! I asked if we could go to his house and he said that wouldn’t work because of his “roommate.” I did not ask him to elaborate on that because I had heard a little about this “roommate” and didn’t want to delve into that subject. I said (slut that I am) there was always a hotel and that if he would just drive me by a bank I could get some money and pay for half of it (bong...I’m such a dork!). He seemed to think about that as he drove in the direction of my house. Finally I said, “so, you are taking me home?” As soon as it came out of my mouth, he turned the truck around and said, “I really just want to keep kissing you. I’m afraid I won’t see you again. I mean, I know I‘ll see you again, but...” Really the most surprising thing anyone has said to me in a long time. All night he kept saying, “you have such a beautiful face” and I would turn around to see who he was talking to. I realize they were probably lines but by then, what was the point of just giving me lines? Know what? Doesn’t matter. I was just stunned and in my ever-present dorkiness I asked him to repeat what he said because it was so damn...nice and unexpected.

Tune in tomorrow, or a week from now, for The Hotel and The-Explanation-Of-Why-I-Sound-Like-A-Shallow-Jerkoff-When-Really-I‘m-Just-An-Insecure-Dork......