SIGHTS: Sunnydale High Yearbook ~~ Christopher Golden & Nancy Holder
SOUNDS: Weathered ~~ Creed

Am I evil? Yes I am.
Am I evil? I am man.

Am I evil? Yes I fucking am.
Am I evil? I am man, yeah.
~Am I Evil? Originally by Diamond Head but I liked the Metallica version better...old, OLD Metallica

Me..I'm rusted and weathered
Barely holding together
I'm covered with skin that peels and it just won't heal
~Weathered-Creed

You're just a waste of time
You're just a babbling face
You're just three sick holes that run like sores
You're a fucking waste
You're like a slug on the floor
Oh you're useless and ugly
And useless and ugly
And I shiver and shake
When I think of how you make me hate
~Shiver and Shake-The Cure

Boy...I think that what I hate more than Ian right now is the fact that, like the song says, he can make me feel HATE!

Okay it’s like almost 2:00 a.m. and I’m talking about what happened yesterday which is still really like today for me.....ah fuck it, anyway. Another day where I was okay. I didn’t let his call last night get to me too much really. I pondered DareDevil and decided, it was okay. The trailers at the beginning gave me something to look forward to though. The second X-Men installment, Crispin Glover in Willard and a new Quentin movie, Kill-Bill.....rockin’! Yep Sybil, you heard correctly....KILL-BILL.....HEHE! Justice baby!! So, I’m the H word today, skipping the Sophie Zelmani CD I burned and instead listening to the comedy-interspersed-with-some-of-the-few-happy-songs-I-know CD (yep, that’s what I named it) that I burned. I’m up, I’m peppy, I’m doing the very best I can to ignore the scream fest that is going on in the hall outside my room. Big happy!! And then the phone rings....

“Can I speak to Nick?” And I wanted to say, “what?!?! Twice in two days?!” But instead I said I would go find him, which I did. And this was all good, peachy in fact. Nick loves his dad. He doesn’t know any better yet......and I don’t really mean that. Okay, I do but not REALLY, REALLY. I keep hoping he will surprise me someday and be a real dad. I also hope for peace in the world and that God does exist and will save us all by clipping Jerry Falwell’s vocal cords. Okay, I’m getting off the subject which is...umm...Ian’s a fuckhole.

I try not to grill Nick on what he talks to his dad about but I wanted to know if he was just going to be calling or if he was EVER going to come and see Nick, take him for a weekend maybe. So I asked and I’m damn glad I did. I was informed that Ian will be here tomorrow to pick Nick up after school. Hmmmm...I wasn’t ASKED about this. I wasn’t TOLD about this!! I grabbed the phone to *69, because I have no number for him, but its a cell so I can’t get the number (now I have to go back to cursing cell phones). The problem is not that he is coming. Actually the problem is pretty evident. At least I think it is. No, I don’t want to talk to Ian.....about anything but Nick. Only Nick News do I want to discuss with him. I had plans this weekend, actually plans that have been made for weeks. The school is having a carnival on Saturday for which I paid money for tickets so we could go. Unfortunately I let my anger get the best of me and told Nick that he wasn’t going to see his dad. I tried to explain to him that I couldn’t let his dad just do whatever he wanted whenever he wanted to do it. I told him that his dad should have talked to me first because I had plans. I told him that I was sick of his dad treating me like crap and that I couldn’t continue to let him do that. I felt bad. It’s not Nick’s fault but.....DAMN!! I told Nick that if his dad repays me the money I spent on the tickets that he could go. I know that sounds stupid but it is the principle. Ian doesn’t see him for a month and a half and then just DECIDES to only let Nick in on the fact that he wants him for the weekend! Okay, the tickets were only $5 but again, it’s the principle. It was something I was looking forward to doing with Nick that wasn’t going to cost the price of a kidney on the black market.

Tomorrow should be rather interesting. My sister says she doesn’t want to be here...heh. This also kind of blows my plans. I was planning on going to Warrensburg with Cat, which I am still going to do, but now I will have to rush back to make sure I get here before Nick’s bus does because Ian is going to hear about this....oh yes, he sure the hell will. And I want my five dollars....five dollars. Or he will be “Better Off Dead.”

In other, better, news...I have six, yes six, different mini Buffy lunchboxes awaiting me at the comic book store, filled with yummy Slayer bubble gum goodness. I went in there last week to get the Angel Season 3 card set and saw them on the counter. I told the owner, “you guys are killing me!” The following is the coolness that happens once those guys get to know you, and know you spend your hard-earned money. The guy told me to pick out what I wanted and he would hold them for me until next week! Damn straight!! In the last two weeks I’ve probably spent $150 in there. It’s the only love I’m getting lately. But hey, better than no love at all.