SIGHTS: “Nutcracker” - Shana Alexander

SOUNDS: The Best of Abba

"Work hard in life boy,
there's paradise in the end."
Year after year we struggle to gain
the happiness our parents never claimed.
They told us all we had to do
was do what we're told, buy what was sold,
"Invest in gold, and never get old."
--One More Time ~ Queensryche

Friday after getting my taxes done I turned toward the Wal-Mart. Before I even got the money in my hot little hands I was spending it in my head, and not on things that I need to be spending it on. I got about a block before sense hit me and I realized that I didn’t NEED the things I was thinking about, mostly DVDs, CDs and books. In that short block I visualized mounds of books, stacks of DVDs and piles of CDs. I got giddy at the thought of new music to listen to while I work, hours in front of the TV watching all the DVD extras and, of course, all the new worlds I could go to while enjoying new books. In another flash I saw myself enjoying all of those things in my own space. My own room, my own front room, my own bath (all fully furnished of course), etc., and I realized that I needed to hold off on all those “instant gratification” items and focus on getting the HELL OUT OF HERE!! And that endeavor is going to take some serious cash and not because I’m looking for a palace but because I have no furniture. Oh, I take that back, I have a futon. That’s it!! I need a bed for me, one for Nick, a dinning table and chairs and maybe even something to put my TV on. And if it comes down to it, I’m not above using cinderblocks and planks of wood. I’m just simple like that. :) I’ve never had the desire to be really fancy. I can work with pretty much anything and spruce it up.

All of this got me to thinking about how I’ve never had any sense of saving any money. I love my mom dearly but she taught me some terrible money habits that go just like this.....MAKE IT...SPEND IT...FEEL GOOD FOR 20 MINUTES...REGRET IT. In that particular order. My mom has claimed bankruptcy I don’t know how many times. She has spent her life working her ass off with nothing to show but lots of knickknacks, clothes, shoes, crap she doesn’t use, etc. Never any big purchases, like a house maybe. There were times where she had a serious addiction to shopping. I understand the feeling of instant gratification and I’m sure that is what she felt. I’m obviously not a psychologist but I’m sure they have some term for it. Unfortunately I have inherited this trait from her as has my sister. We just have to have the “stuff” whether we need it or not.

I HAVE to change this about myself! I HAVE to break the shopping cycle! It truly is a hard thing to do but if I ever want my own home, which is the only thing I have ever REALLY wanted in my life, I have to make some changes. So, tomorrow I am going to go to the bank with this check and I am going to open...(insert drum roll here) A SAVINGS ACCOUNT!!! Not a big deal to some, but to me..BIG deal....HUGE. Out of my mom, my sister and I, none of us have ever had a savings account. We all basically just suck at saving anything. I’m not going to be able to move until school is out so I need a place for this money that is NOT my checking account. And, I’m going to try to add to it for the next several months until I do move.

So, this is the beginning of my spending changes and honestly, I already screwed up. As Friday night progressed I couldn’t take it any longer and went to Wal-Mart at 11:00 p.m. I got Pink’s Missundaztood (I REALLY hate things being spelled all funky and WRONG!) because I love “Just Like A Pill” and The Best of Abba because I needed something upbeat. I also got Moulin Rouge because Ewan McGregor is just luscious in it and I love the way they incorporated older music into it and the imagery, etc., etc. It’s just a fucking great movie even though it’s about love and being loved....humph. My greatest purchase though was True Stories for $5. This is such a great movie and if you haven’t seen it I HIGHLY recommend it. It has a lot of great, but sad, themes to it. I remember seeing it years ago, like in 1987, and not quite getting it so much but I watched it again today and got so much from it. Plus it’s full of David Byrne, the rest of Talking Heads and their music, and John Goodman, which are all good in my book.

So I blew it, but just a little bit, and I’m just getting started. I never said I wasn’t going to blow any of it.